Can You Bet on a Long Distance Relationship?

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I recently found an article on the Internet giving people advice on how to have a long distance relationship.  The writer of the article even admits that long distance relationships can be volatile, painful and inconvenient yet he still believes that they can work.  Although his initial statement does not sound very encouraging, let’s see what he has to say.

The first point he makes is that both parties in the relationship should be realistic.  The author correctly makes the point that long distance relationships lack the components that usually make a relationship tighter, deeper and stronger.  In fact, distance does the opposite.  So if we know these facts and want to be realistic about the situation, then why would we even enter into a long distance relationship in the first place?

The author’s second suggestion is to make an agreement and to swear to uphold the conditions of that agreement.  The problem with this idea is that both parties are making a promise based on unforeseen circumstances.  They have no idea what future circumstances hold in store for them.

Most importantly, they do not have each other to keep each other accountable.  You can be as open and honest as you want with your partner but at the end of the day they can never really know if what you say is the truth.  Actions speak louder than words, but in the case of a long distance relationship your actions cannot be seen.    It is an inevitable fact that long distance relationships breed insecurity.  Everyone has little insecurities here and there but long distance relationships amplify and inevitably verbalize those insecurities.  Without your partner around to calm your fears insecurities grow and become toxic to a relationship.

To add a powder keg to an already toxic and volatile situation, the author then suggests exploring the option of having an open relationship.  Why even have a long distance relationship and try to make it work if you also want to also explore the possibility of seeing other people as well?  This is what is called a hedge bet.  In games of chance, a hedge bet is two offsetting bets made to win a small profit or to minimize the loss of a big bet.

While hedge betting is not to the player’s advantage it can be used to grind out a small profit or be used to let you play longer on a small bankroll.

So in this case the hedge bet would be between your long distance sweetheart and someone closer to home.  How can this possibly help foster a strong and loving relationship?  If, in the end, you do end up with your long distance sweetheart it will because you kept striking out with the people closer to you and not because your love conquered all.  It will be because one or both of you have settled.

The last of his suggestions that I want to address is keeping the communication lines open by using Skype, the phone, email, texting and other various forms of online communication.  The simple truth is that emails, texts and phone calls do not advance the relationship.  Face to face interaction has always been and will always be the best way to advance the relationship.  If you are not going places and doing things together, it’s just talk.

So let’s review:
1.    Long distance relationships can be volatile, painful and inconvenient.
2.    Long distance relationships lack the components that usually make a relationship tighter,  deeper and stronger, instead it does the opposite.
3.    It is an inevitable fact that long distance relationships breed insecurity and insecurity is toxic to a relationship.
4.    Having an open relationship while in a long distance relationship is a hedge bet and hedge betting is not to the player’s advantage.
5.    If you are not going places and doing things together, it’s just talk.

Given all the negatives associated with long distance relationships it boggles my mind as to why the author still suggests giving it a try.  Now I am not saying that it is absolutely impossible to have a successful long distance relationship.  However, the odds are heavily stacked against you.

Successful long distance relationships are the exception and not the rule.  Everyone likes to believe that they are the exception but if that was the case then it wouldn’t be an exception.

Remember Cadets there is a difference between space and distance.  One is good for the relationship, the other one isn’t.

You can read the original article here:
http://www.mademan.com/how-have-long-distance-relationship/