Take the Fight Out of Your Relationship


Cadets, the tricky thing about relationship myths is that they are not always immediately obvious.  The most devious ones can be very subtle and insidious.  These myths are usually surrounded by the truth on all sides which makes them very hard to discern.  Yet they can have a very damaging effect on relationships.

One example of this is a song by the beautiful and talented Corrine Bailey Rae.  I must preamble this article by stating that I am a huge fan of Corrine Bailey Rae.  She has a beautiful voice and is a brilliant songwriter.  If you want to hear some of the most beautiful and soulful music you have ever heard from someone so young and talented then check out some of her music.  You will not be disappointed.

One of my favorite songs from this young songstress is a song called “Just Like A Star.”  It is an absolutely beautiful love song.  Unfortunately it contains a relationship myth that is prevalent in our society.  In the chorus of her song she sings:

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

What she is singing about here is the popular myth that couples argue and that arguing is part of a loving relationship.  Not only do couples argue but they argue with each other differently than with other people.  An argument between couples is usually a lot more intense than an argument between friends, acquaintances and even family.  Feelings get hurt faster and reconciliation happens slower if at all.

The reason most people would give for this phenomenon is because of the strong bond that two people in a relationship share.  They would claim that it is that loving bond that makes the emotional highs higher and the emotional lows lower.  In reality, the only reason that this phenomenon really exists is because a relationship partner simply knows what buttons to push in order to elicit a response from their partner.  Knowing this boys and girls, sit back and ask yourselves this question, “Am I being loving when I push my partner’s emotional buttons?”

Whenever you have two people coming together in a relationship it IS a simple fact of life that they cannot agree on everything.  However it is NOT a simple fact of life that arguing is a way to deal with this.  You can disagree without arguing.

There are couples out there who when faced with a disagreement sit down and talk things through calmly and rationally.  Calmly and rationally resolving disputes is what people in a loving and healthy relationship do.  Arguing is not.

The repeated cycle of arguing and making up does not build intimacy in a relationship.  It is a negative cycle that will only store up resentment.    If you argue and you “do it all the time” as the song portrays then there is a problem with your relationship.  Either one or both of you lack a flexible and giving attitude.

Remember Cadets arguing has NO part in a healthy relationship.

Listen to and watch “Like A Star.”