Do Guys Dump Girls They Dig?

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That is the question that Cosmopolitan Magazine asks and address. Cosmo says that men do sometimes dump girls that they like and give five reasons for men doing so. The reason they give have varying levels of truth but today I would like to focus on reasons four and five.

Reason 4: He Likes the Girl but Doesn’t Love Her.

It is a sad and unfortunate truth that just because two people are in a relationship it does not mean that they actually love each other. In most of these cases one person loves the other while their partner’s feelings are not the same. So why do people stay with each other when they are not really committed? In the majority of cases it is because these people cannot stand to be alone. For them it is better to be with someone and enjoy the “benefits” that come with a relationship than to be alone. When things start getting too serious or when they meet someone that they actually like, they bail out of their previous relationship leaving their partner to wonder what happened. What happened is that he never really dug you to begin with.

These excerpts from the article illustrates this point perfectly:

"I stayed with one woman for two years because the sex was great and she never pushed the issue, but I knew the minute I met her that she wasn't The One," says David, 30.

"I dated this girl for about a year, but as soon as she started using the L word, I had to end it," recalls Jay, 29. "It was hard. I cared about her and didn't want to hurt her. But I knew that if I stuck around, she'd have been happier at first but miserable later on. After all, she deserved to be with someone who loved her as much as she loved me."

The title of the article shows the false assumption that people make in thinking that just because two people are dating it means they are into each other. Even though this is probably the most valid and the most common reason that these men do dump their women, technically these men never dug these women in the first place.

Reason 5: He likes The Girl Too Much

Excuse me? This is the problem with these magazines that give relationship advice. They just hap hazardly throw out theories without any research or consistency. So in one breath they say that the reason men dump women they like is because they don’t actually like her. Then immediately say in the very next breath it is because they like her too much. Those reasons are in direct opposition to each other. It is like telling someone to turn their head and look to the left and the right at exactly the same time.
The problem is that the author of the article has committed a grave misdiagnosis. The problem is not that he likes her too much. If both partners are in love and they have a wonderful relationship then there is no way a man is going to dump his partner because he likes her too much. That would be irrational.

What is actually happening stems from reason 4. The man senses that the relationship is failing and she is losing interest in him. So before she can dump him he dumps her first. It is not in response to him liking her too much, it is in response to her either losing interest in him or not liking him in the first place.

Remember Cadets, just because your partner is with you doesn’t mean they love you.