Timing is Everything in Relationships


Greetings Cadets,

Let me tell you a little story. I was out having drinks with some friends Friday night when the conversational topic turned towards relationships. One of the guys at the table said that one thing he learned from his previous relationships was to never be the first one to say, “I Love You.” His reason for saying this was because in every relationship in which he said, “I Love You” first, things rapidly fell apart and the relationship soon ended a few months later. One of the ladies at the table got upset and said she does not like it when men play these sorts of games. She felt that people should be able to tell each other how they feel in a relationship. Her reasoning was, “If you can’t tell your partner how you feel, then why are you in a relationship?” Both individuals made very valid points. The only problem is that although there is some validity to both arguments, they are on opposite sides of the spectrum. So how can these two viewpoints be reconciled? That’s why we have a Love Cop.

After both individuals made their points, I interjected my viewpoint. The element that both viewpoints are missing is the element of TIMING. TIMING is a major element of successful relationships that is often overlooked. In relationships men do the picking but women do the choosing. She has to like you fist or nothing happens. I explained to both individuals that in almost all cases, it is the woman who determines the pace of the relationship. If the woman does not want to give you her number then you won’t get her number. If a woman does not want to go out with you then you won’t go out. If a woman does not want to be your girlfriend then she won’t be your girlfriend. If your girlfriend does not want to have sex then you won’t have sex. If your girlfriend does not want to marry you then you won’t get married. In all these instances it is the woman that sets these milestones when SHE is ready.

So in regards to my male friend; the issue was not that he said “I Love You” first; the issue was that his timing was off. There are many instances where a man says “I love You” first and the timing is right, however determining the right time to say so can often be a stab in the dark. A prudent man will take his cue from the woman and only tell her he loves her after she has clearly said or shown him that she loves him. Why? He will do so because he will then know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the timing is right. Have you ever seen those clueless men who ask their girlfriends to marry them on a big screen at a sporting event only to be turned down? If those guys had waited until their girlfriends brought up the subject of marriage first, they would not have been humiliated.

In regards to my female friend, it is the woman’s job to show and tell the man how he feels so that he can take his cue from her. Then and only then will he know when the timing is truly right. A man waiting for a woman to move first and then respond according is not playing games. In reality he is being, respectful, patient and wise.

After I had explained my viewpoint and how it reconciled both of their perspectives, both parties happily agreed that I was correct in my assertions. Case closed.

Remember Cadets: Never underestimate the importance of TIMING when it comes to relationships.

Here to Serve and Protect Your Hearts and Minds

The Love Cop