The Nice Guy Gets The Girl: A Cautionary Tale

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Greetings Cadets,

Today we are going to explore the myth that has been propagated through television, movies and the general media.  It is the myth that in the end, the nice guy will get the girl.  There is a belief that if a really nice and great guy just hangs in there with a girl that she will eventually see the light and fall for him.   I would say that in 95% plus of the cases this does not happen.  What usually happens is that the woman knows full well about his love for her and starts to take advantage of him.   Even if at first she does not mean to, she cannot help it.  He makes it too easy by begging her to take advantage of him.  This usually ends with the man being furious with the woman his “friend” even though she told him from the very beginning that she did not like him, “in that way”.  The man either goes away or gets cut off by the woman and he eventually gets over it and finds someone else.    Believe it or not, this man is the lucky one.  The unlucky man is the one who actually succeeds (or so he thinks) in getting his female friend to fall for him.  98% plus of the time this ends in disaster.  Not because they were friends first, but because the nice guy does not know what to do with her once he has her.

I recently had a conversation with a female friend who relayed to me her experience of finally breaking down and dating her nice guy friend.  She always said that he was such a great guy.  He was a guy that would do anything for her and never ask for anything in return.  Although they were really great friends, she just was not attracted to him physically.  Also because he was so accommodating and forthcoming, there was no mystery to him at all.  She always knew where she stood with him.  It was on a pedestal he would hoist on his back while being on all fours.  She had been used to dating, jerks or macho men or athletes.  She had a standard list of likes and sadly, her friend did not meet anything on that list.  However, he was a really nice and sweet guy.  Now at this point in her life she was feeling a bit bitter about the romantic choices she had made.  She was lonely and here was this great guy just waiting in the wings ready and willing to love her.  Whatever she wanted, she would get.  The problem here Cadets is that in life and especially love, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.  She had negotiated a deal in which he would take her out on dates, take her on trips and treat her like a princess and she did not have to do anything in return.  In fact she was even allowed to see other people.  He was too but since he was completely in love with her, she knew he never would.  So basically she enjoyed all the benefits of being in a relationship without having to commit to one while at the same time enjoying all the benefits of being single.

The problem with the nice guy is that he is too happy to be in the relationship and his every word, thought and deed broadcasts this sentiment not only to the girl but to the whole world.  What he often does not realize is his value.  If he truly is a nice guy then she should be too happy to be with him.  If he only had the courage to make her earn him then she would appreciate him more.

Nice guys, you are truly what women want in a man but you have to temper your “niceness” with a little bit of mystery and you must demand respect.  When she is good to you, reward her with your affection.  When she is bad to you, never disrespect her but take away your affection and show her you have a backbone.  In order to truly capture her heart a woman has to know that you care about her, but at the same time, also know that there is a line in the sand.  She has to know that if she dares to push you too far, you will walk and never look back.  Now pay attention Cadets because this is the most important part.  You must be able to communicate this to her not through your words but by your actions.  Talk is fleeting and cheap but action has value and certainty.

Remember Cadets:  If she feels that she has to earn you then she will appreciate both you and everything you do for her.